You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
