I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize