Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
