some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
