oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
