You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone came in the potted fern
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
