it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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