And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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