Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have demons in me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
