Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
