he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
