I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My breasts were aching with rage.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
