I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
