He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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