The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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