i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
