He felt like a one man threesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize