just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
