the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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