So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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