but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
