yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
