hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
