I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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