Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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