I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
