Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So many bounce houses so little time
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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