hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
