You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
