and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
