I wanna passion pit in your ass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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