I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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