the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
