I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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