wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
