He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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