And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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