It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
