At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
