Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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