ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
