Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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