My first STD was from a foam party
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
