He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
