I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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