He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
