i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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