ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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