your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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