1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
