so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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