I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
