My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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