Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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