Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
