worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
pray to the hookup gods
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
