I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want her autograph on my taint
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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