i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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