first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
