You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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