What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize