I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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