DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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