You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize