Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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