i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
