Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
