so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
