Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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