Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize