I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
