I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
