HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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