You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize